The holidays are a joyful time of year filled with family and friends, but they can also create discomfort and tension. Author and etiquette expert Julie Blais Comeau says there are a lot of ways to handle holiday conflicts. “You can use humour,” Comeau says. When somebody pries into your personal life, she recommends making a joke, or instead of answering an awkward question, you can ask a question in return. Her example: “I’m doing pretty good but I’m always open to your suggestions.” Comeau says it’s also acceptable to reset the boundaries. “I’m a pretty private person,” is an acceptable answer, Comeau says. Followed by, “so for now, I’d rather keep that to myself.” In cases where two guests who’ve been fighting arrive at a holiday event, Comeau says be grateful they both decided to attend and be strategic. “Assign seating and involve the kids,” she says. Have the children make “crafty” signs to spread out guests who need some distance from one another. Another strategy is preparing topics of conversation or placing a deck of cards with conversation starters on the table, says Comeau. Her examples include: “Then you go around the table,” she says. If things get too heated, Comeau says it’s acceptable to change the topic. “Focus on what we can all talk about together.” The person hosting can also set expectations including rules about keeping phones or devices away from the table, Comeau says. “The more they know in advance, they more they will be prepared,” she says. “You can put it on an invitation. You can remind them with a sign at the door.” And when you want to get a selfie of everyone gathered for the holidays, Comeau says it’s ‘please’ before ‘cheese’ – ask guests if they’re okay with photos published on social media. “Those who don’t want to be in that photo, they can go somewhere else,” she says. Comeau does recommend some uses for phones. “Record grandma, grandpa and ask them about their advice,” she says. “Ask them about their memories when they were children at Christmas… this may be the time to record them.” More etiquette advice can be found on Comeau’s website.
