Saanich teen publishes book about grieving to help others after losing mom

While Olivia Hahn is flipping through her family’s photo album, she needs no pictures to remind her how meaningful it was to share snacks, drink tea, and watch her favourite TV show with her mom Patricia.

“That was my special time with her,” Olivia smiles. “That’s what I cherish the most.”

Because they could talk, laugh, and be the best of friends.

“It just made you feel so happy,” Olivia says. “And full of love.”

Full of the best feelings. As opposed to when her mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer, when Olivia was too in shock to feel anything at all.

“I couldn’t imagine that in a few months I wouldn’t have my mother anymore,” Olivia says.

Although they made the most of those months in hospital, Olivia also couldn’t imagine that when she told her mom, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” she wouldn’t get the chance to say goodbye.

The then 15-year-old says she spent the next few months feeling lost, alone, and alienated from her peers.

“Not knowing anyone, except for adults who had lost someone, it made me feel like I was different or I was weird,” Olivia says.

While she searched for resources to help, Olivia was left feeling frustrated.

Her dad John Hahn says his daughter couldn’t find anything expressing grief from a teenager's perspective.

“I can’t find a counsellor to help you, I can’t help you,” John recalls saying. “If we can’t find a book, I guess you’re going to have to write one.”

While John admits he was being flippant, Olivia — despite having never written regularly before — started doing just that.

“I was pouring my pain into the pages,” Olivia says.

She began writing poetry to express the feelings she’d kept locked away, before embarking the bigger project.

Instead of writing from a clinical distance, Olivia found the courage to express being in the midst of mourning.

“I wanted to write something that would help me through it,” Olivia says. “But also help other people, as well.”

A year later, the now 16-year-old has published, Healing Our Wounded Hearts: A real life story about loss in the voice of a teenager.

Her dad couldn’t be more proud.

“She started finding this confidence,” John says of his daughter’s writing process. “And this personal power I didn’t even know she had.”

While proceeds from her book will support local palliative care, Olivia’s ultimate goal is to empower others like her to begin their own healing process.

“I want them to know they’re not alone in their grief and it’s OK to not be OK,” Olivia says. “Just know there’s another teenager who’s gone through the same thing or similar to you, and I’m there for you.”