It’s impossible to ever know exactly what is in someone else’s mind. Yet, somehow a Vancouver Island couple is managing to narrow that gap with a loved one who has Alzheimer’s.

Geoff and Annemarie Travers’ journey with Geoff’s sister, Kathy, gave them new insight into what it is like to live with the disease.

The three hiked the Camino de Santiago, a famous pilgrim’s route through the mountain peaks and valleys of northwest Spain. The path, which can cover hundreds of kilometres and take weeks to months to complete, depending on the route, is often walked as a Christian pilgrimage or a spiritual retreat.

The Travers initially did it to raise money and awareness for Alzheimer’s, but with Kathy by their sides for much of the walk, it turned into something much more personal.

As they made their way through ancient villages, along meadows and country roads, idle chit-chat grew deeper.

Annemarie took the opportunity to ask Kathy questions about living with Azheimer’s, then started posting excerpts from their talks on their blog. It soon became known as “Conversations with Kathy.”

“When I initially decided to see if I could engage Kathy in conversations this way, I didn’t know how special these discussions would turn out to be,” said Annemarie.

They talked about everything, no topic too sensitive. One of the discussions which stood out to Annemarie was how people reacted when they heard Kathy had Alzheimer’s. Many would just shut down and back away.

“She said that when people shut down, they just need more time. And then we talked about those who respond with ‘I’m sorry to hear that’ and she said that’s another way of ending the conversation, and those people need more time too. She talked briefly about losing contact with some people because they don’t know how to respond to her especially since she has lost the art of conversation,” recounted Annemarie.

Of their many conversations, one stood out as most surprising.

“Kathy and I used to have lots of deep conversations, sorting through personal challenges, as well as world problems. I enjoyed her insights, and I think she enjoyed mine. As we were walking on probably our third day, I told Kathy that I missed our conversations, and she looked me in the eye, and said, ‘So do I’. Before that, it hadn’t occurred to me that she was missing them as well,” said Annemarie.

The trip was full of revelations for Geoff as well.

“I think that what really struck me during the year we spent preparing for and then walking our Camino For Alzheimer’s Awareness was just how far reaching this disease is,” he said. “We spoke with people from many countries who generously shared their stories and experiences with us. Seemingly almost everyone we met had a family member or knew of someone who was on an Alzheimer’s journey. Some of their shared experiences were very powerful, touching and yes, also sometimes tragic.”

He said one of the most common misconceptions people seemed to have was that Alzheimer’s only impacts the elderly. He shared that belief, until Kathy was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s at 61.

“I had no idea that people can be impacted in their late-30s. While elderly Alzheimer’s/dementia is bad enough, for me, early onset Alzheimer’s is simply tragic,” said Geoff.

It was Geoff and Annemarie who had that first delicate conversation with Kathy two years ago, about concerning changes in her that family members had noticed.

Geoff said while everyone is different, his advice to others who may be in a similar situation is to be well prepared and meet in a place where the person you are speaking with is comfortable.

“For us, it was enjoying tea in my sister’s kitchen,” Geoff said. “Gently share your concerns and be prepared to provide specific examples of the behavioural changes you and others have observed. You can be pretty sure that the person with whom you will be having this difficult conversation has already noticed some worrying changes in their own behaviour. For my sister I think that our conversation was a process of simply connecting the dots for her. I witnessed the dawning of her realization and the relief that she wasn’t in this alone. She gave me such a lovely hug.”

Kathy was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s six months later.

Geoff and Annemarie said they are grateful they made so many memories with Kathy on the Camino. Kathy did sections of the walk with them, then her husband would pick her up and drop her off at different stages.

Annemarie said their biggest takeaway from the whole experience was to cherish the moments.

“One of my favourites is how Kathy would stop every now and then, and just drink it in. We know that if we had waited any longer to do this it would not have happened. Kathy would not be able to do it this year.”